[Lili is reckless. Lili is reckless and unabashed and the words "Then I'll love you!" almost leave her lips. Almost
But she's still too weak for something like that. Would those be the words that would soothe him? Or is she entirely off-mark again? Either way, she's left stunned for a moment at his questioning because it's something that she'd never considered before.
The idea of loving and being loved - it's foreign to her. Interpersonal relationships are so rare, there was no one in that room in the manor except for her after all. Her father was never so warm and her attendants, caring as they were, could never cross that boundary. Perhaps it's easy to say that she's never been loved a day in her life.]
Why would you justify that to anyone...?
[She shakes her head.]
You couldn't have done anything then - you didn't have a choice.... it would speak ill of anyone who would hold those against you. But you have your own body now, you're your own person - [she had this conversation with Kashuu, didn't she?] - it's the actions that you take now that will determine whether or not you are loved, whether you are treasured.
[By merit, not by birth. That's something she's always believed in.]
I don't know you, you haven't even given me or your name but--
But anyone can be deserving of love.... I have to believe that!
[ oh, lili...... that's so shoujo........ but those are words that sound a bit familiar, give or take the phrasing of them; most of the swords have heard this, in some form or another — but, that isn't to say that all of them accepted it perfectly. (for some of them, they need it repeated a few times, and even then... they only barely manage to wrap their heads around it, like tsurumaru.) ]
Because, it's not like asking people, do you love that person?. Instead, it's about asking people, do you love that object? Can it protect you? Is it beautiful to look at? If it's not beautiful to look at, or if it doesn't work properly in battle, can it be fixed?
[ he knows that if families have enough power, they're capable of terrifying things — redoing everything but the blade, or shortening the blade altogether, and while tsurumaru doesn't know what the latter is like, he hears that it's kind of painful??? ]
I think that's something we hear often — that we're free to determine our own actions and be who we want, as people, but it's difficult. When you've been a sword for longer than, say, nine hundred years, being told that you suddenly get to do anything that your heart desires is a bit...
[ he trails off, stuck between complicated or unusual, or both; but there's a part of him that's already realized, too bitterly, how little that swords can truly do without human action, because at the end of the day, they're just objects; and even this place — if they ever leave this place, they'll return to being objects.
still, maybe he can start learning now, on how to live a bit more freely. ]
My name is Tsurumaru. [ he beams at her, and for the first time today, he sounds more like his usual self (not that she'd know what his usual self is like, though). ]
I hope this isn't too big of a request for someone that I've just met, but... from now on, will you help me understand what that means? That anyone is deserving of love, and what it's like, to be your own person?
What a staggeringly long amount of time to be dedicated entirely to someone else's will. There's no denying the surprise on her face, from the way that he casually explains what he's feelings to her with better wording that she can muster even on her best of days (and how is that even fair??? it's really not) to the way that he gives her his name and then asks her to help him like that.
What can a girl like her do to help a nine hundred year old sword?
Still, she finds herself answering honestly.]
My name is Lili.
I... I'm still learning how to do a lot of living on my own as well, if I'm to be honest. [Away from her father's sight, away from her precious lands, and away from even the idea of being trapped behind locked doors against her will. It's odd. It's--] But I've found it freeing, so far.
[You know, in between having to scavenge for food for the first time since she's never really had meals that weren't prepared by her family's chefs. Or having to actually learn the meaning of money (and even then she's not very good at understanding value).
But still, it's such a sincere request. How else can she reply?]
If you're willing to accept that - [accept her and her flaws as well] - then... I promise I'll only do my best to work with you to find these answers.
[ well, he's had over a thousand years to learn the fine art of piecing together his words. what she can't hope to achieve, he's spent centuries learning from the countless nobles and rich folk that he's stayed with. ah, but he's not too fond of nobles, shh.......
but he listens to her speak, as she introduces herself, and throughout it all, he can't help but to smile and to laugh, ever so gently, the back of his hand pressed lightly against his mouth. while his request had been just as sincere, he knew what he was doing, with his word choice and phrasing...
he's not laughing at her, by any means — he just finds her purity to be refreshing; it reminds him of a child's, and tsurumaru is always inclined to have more faith in children than in adults, and it distracts him from his sadder thoughts. ]
You're an interesting person, Lili... Do you know that?
[ it's rare to find people as sincere as this, given that he's seen enough of humanity to be convinced that most of them are thoroughly rotten inside.
but he's swift about his answer, because it'll certainly be enough — what she can do for him, with all of who she is, will suffice. ]
Of course I'll accept it.
I don't know what I can give you in return, though — a lifetime's knowledge of surprises? Or, maybe some cakes that I saw in a store a few days ago...
[Despite everything, the laughter manages to inspire a little bit of embarrassment from her.
It makes her tense, nervous - the last time that she'd been so eager to help and gain someone's approval, she distinctly remembers the way that she'd been made a fool in front of everyone. It makes her shoulders stiffen up a fraction as she looks up at him and the color rises to her cheeks in fear that perhaps maybe she really won't be enough—
It's fortunate that he clarifies himself a moment later.
His words manage to alleviate the same anxiety that his laughter had caused. Is she interesting? She can't say that for sure. It's not like she has many points of comparison, not when it feels like so many other people have more experiences and skills than she does.....
But she looks away, cheeks flushed and embarrassed.]
No.... You don't have to give me anything like that, I just-
[ ah... she looks away!! he finds that kind of cute, actually. but there's something about how she wants nothing in return that alarms him, because for all her sincerity, and her childishness that he finds endearing... she's still human. and if there's anything that his experiences have taught him, it's that humans always want something. ]
For me?
[ there's a pause, as his expression changes into something unreadable, before he breaks into another smile. ]
No, no — you should at least let me get you something! It doesn't have to be too expensive, either.
[ but as much as he's trying, it's obvious that he's, well, trying; maybe he's smiling too brightly, or his tone is just a bit more cheerful than it really has to sound, and after today's events, there's no point in pushing himself any further than he needs to. so he gives up his brief ruse, before explaining: ]
You see, when humans offer to do things for me without asking for anything in return, I feel as if they're lying to me.
I'm a valued blade — it's not uncommon of them to want to win over my favor somehow, because they have hidden motives. It doesn't have anything to do with you personally, but it's hard to unlearn something that you've learned for centuries.
So even if it's just a small gesture, please let me do something for you, too.
[It's like watching days and nights pass - the way that the emotions flick through his face at such a wild pace. She watches and she tries to keep up, she tries to memorize the way that his face looks in between the shifts as she tries to remember what the fakeness of it looks like as opposed to what's real.
Still, his explanation hits home. It makes sense.
Bribery and flattery are things that she's all too familiar with herself after all, and her shoulders relax because it's.... nice, to have someone else be so candid about it. Even if she's not a blade, she was valued in her home as the only heir to her father's lands. Whoever curried her favor would surely do well with the General himself and they would often do so with their own agendas.
Agendas that she didn't agree with.
When she speaks again, her voice is soft but still just as certain.]
.... I want to be of use.
[If he's giving an explanation, so is she.]
More than anything - that's what I want. It's why I don't want to accept something in return from you, because for once I'd like to give as much as I blindly receive. [Because people are far kinder than Lili. They are always so open and giving with her, even though all she can do is take.] I understand what you're saying and people who are so treacherous are always disgusting to me - but that is why.
[ . . . as for her request in return, then-]
.... Kashuu and Mutsu and Haru and all of them.... Can you make sure that they're safe for me?
[ not that tsuru's aware of it in any way, but lili not mentioning her noble status in her explanation is a good thing. it's because of wealthy nobles that tsurumaru distrusts humans in the first place; nobles with lots of money, nobles that demand obedience, nobles that act entitled and are ridiculously pompous and feel the need to have their way with everyone and everything.
and had he tried to protest — apparently, rich people really, really don't like it it when their samurai-sword-turned-court-decoration talks back to them.
but he understands the point that she makes, although he's grateful that she comes to a compromise nonetheless — and ah, so he didn't sound completely crazy to her, when he'd told her that he was a sword. there's a mental note to mention something to kashuu and mutsu later, but for now — ]
Why Kashuu and Mutsu in particular, though? Do you liiiiike them?
[ leaaaaning forward!! he also sounds like the most annoying five-year-old in the world, though. do you like them, lili? or do you..... like-like them?
but that aside, he finds himself amused by the simplicity of the nature of her request, and it's with a relieved tone that he answers. ]
Asking me to do something that I already do on a daily basis... That's certainly fine with me. Is there anything else, or will that be all?
[Annoying as his tone may be.... his efforts are wasted on Lili. The leaning forward just manages to get her to lean back because she's still not used to strangers in her personals pace, blinking owlishly at the question. Why did he put emphasis on the word 'like'????
Weird.
It completely flies over her head.]
.... No, I don't. [DOESN'T EVEN LIKE THEM IN A PLATONIC SENSE] They're simply the loudest!
[DUH. A slight huff though, as she slowly is able to regain herself.]
I don't have any reason to ask anything more of you though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sad sword.
[Lili is reckless. Lili is reckless and unabashed and the words "Then I'll love you!" almost leave her lips. Almost
But she's still too weak for something like that. Would those be the words that would soothe him? Or is she entirely off-mark again? Either way, she's left stunned for a moment at his questioning because it's something that she'd never considered before.
The idea of loving and being loved - it's foreign to her. Interpersonal relationships are so rare, there was no one in that room in the manor except for her after all. Her father was never so warm and her attendants, caring as they were, could never cross that boundary. Perhaps it's easy to say that she's never been loved a day in her life.]
Why would you justify that to anyone...?
[She shakes her head.]
You couldn't have done anything then - you didn't have a choice.... it would speak ill of anyone who would hold those against you. But you have your own body now, you're your own person - [she had this conversation with Kashuu, didn't she?] - it's the actions that you take now that will determine whether or not you are loved, whether you are treasured.
[By merit, not by birth. That's something she's always believed in.]
I don't know you, you haven't even given me or your name but--
But anyone can be deserving of love.... I have to believe that!
no subject
Because, it's not like asking people, do you love that person?. Instead, it's about asking people, do you love that object? Can it protect you? Is it beautiful to look at? If it's not beautiful to look at, or if it doesn't work properly in battle, can it be fixed?
[ he knows that if families have enough power, they're capable of terrifying things — redoing everything but the blade, or shortening the blade altogether, and while tsurumaru doesn't know what the latter is like, he hears that it's kind of painful??? ]
I think that's something we hear often — that we're free to determine our own actions and be who we want, as people, but it's difficult. When you've been a sword for longer than, say, nine hundred years, being told that you suddenly get to do anything that your heart desires is a bit...
[ he trails off, stuck between complicated or unusual, or both; but there's a part of him that's already realized, too bitterly, how little that swords can truly do without human action, because at the end of the day, they're just objects; and even this place — if they ever leave this place, they'll return to being objects.
still, maybe he can start learning now, on how to live a bit more freely. ]
My name is Tsurumaru. [ he beams at her, and for the first time today, he sounds more like his usual self (not that she'd know what his usual self is like, though). ]
I hope this isn't too big of a request for someone that I've just met, but... from now on, will you help me understand what that means? That anyone is deserving of love, and what it's like, to be your own person?
no subject
What a staggeringly long amount of time to be dedicated entirely to someone else's will. There's no denying the surprise on her face, from the way that he casually explains what he's feelings to her with better wording that she can muster even on her best of days (and how is that even fair??? it's really not) to the way that he gives her his name and then asks her to help him like that.
What can a girl like her do to help a nine hundred year old sword?
Still, she finds herself answering honestly.]
My name is Lili.
I... I'm still learning how to do a lot of living on my own as well, if I'm to be honest. [Away from her father's sight, away from her precious lands, and away from even the idea of being trapped behind locked doors against her will. It's odd. It's--] But I've found it freeing, so far.
[You know, in between having to scavenge for food for the first time since she's never really had meals that weren't prepared by her family's chefs. Or having to actually learn the meaning of money (and even then she's not very good at understanding value).
But still, it's such a sincere request. How else can she reply?]
If you're willing to accept that - [accept her and her flaws as well] - then... I promise I'll only do my best to work with you to find these answers.
[Is that okay? Will that be enough?]
no subject
but he listens to her speak, as she introduces herself, and throughout it all, he can't help but to smile and to laugh, ever so gently, the back of his hand pressed lightly against his mouth. while his request had been just as sincere, he knew what he was doing, with his word choice and phrasing...
he's not laughing at her, by any means — he just finds her purity to be refreshing; it reminds him of a child's, and tsurumaru is always inclined to have more faith in children than in adults, and it distracts him from his sadder thoughts. ]
You're an interesting person, Lili... Do you know that?
[ it's rare to find people as sincere as this, given that he's seen enough of humanity to be convinced that most of them are thoroughly rotten inside.
but he's swift about his answer, because it'll certainly be enough — what she can do for him, with all of who she is, will suffice. ]
Of course I'll accept it.
I don't know what I can give you in return, though — a lifetime's knowledge of surprises? Or, maybe some cakes that I saw in a store a few days ago...
no subject
It makes her tense, nervous - the last time that she'd been so eager to help and gain someone's approval, she distinctly remembers the way that she'd been made a fool in front of everyone. It makes her shoulders stiffen up a fraction as she looks up at him and the color rises to her cheeks in fear that perhaps maybe she really won't be enough—
It's fortunate that he clarifies himself a moment later.
His words manage to alleviate the same anxiety that his laughter had caused. Is she interesting? She can't say that for sure. It's not like she has many points of comparison, not when it feels like so many other people have more experiences and skills than she does.....
But she looks away, cheeks flushed and embarrassed.]
No.... You don't have to give me anything like that, I just-
I want to do this for you.
[So.... let her?]
no subject
For me?
[ there's a pause, as his expression changes into something unreadable, before he breaks into another smile. ]
No, no — you should at least let me get you something! It doesn't have to be too expensive, either.
[ but as much as he's trying, it's obvious that he's, well, trying; maybe he's smiling too brightly, or his tone is just a bit more cheerful than it really has to sound, and after today's events, there's no point in pushing himself any further than he needs to. so he gives up his brief ruse, before explaining: ]
You see, when humans offer to do things for me without asking for anything in return, I feel as if they're lying to me.
I'm a valued blade — it's not uncommon of them to want to win over my favor somehow, because they have hidden motives. It doesn't have anything to do with you personally, but it's hard to unlearn something that you've learned for centuries.
So even if it's just a small gesture, please let me do something for you, too.
no subject
Still, his explanation hits home. It makes sense.
Bribery and flattery are things that she's all too familiar with herself after all, and her shoulders relax because it's.... nice, to have someone else be so candid about it. Even if she's not a blade, she was valued in her home as the only heir to her father's lands. Whoever curried her favor would surely do well with the General himself and they would often do so with their own agendas.
Agendas that she didn't agree with.
When she speaks again, her voice is soft but still just as certain.]
.... I want to be of use.
[If he's giving an explanation, so is she.]
More than anything - that's what I want. It's why I don't want to accept something in return from you, because for once I'd like to give as much as I blindly receive. [Because people are far kinder than Lili. They are always so open and giving with her, even though all she can do is take.] I understand what you're saying and people who are so treacherous are always disgusting to me - but that is why.
[ . . . as for her request in return, then-]
.... Kashuu and Mutsu and Haru and all of them.... Can you make sure that they're safe for me?
[Is that fair enough for him?]
no subject
and had he tried to protest — apparently, rich people really, really don't like it it when their samurai-sword-turned-court-decoration talks back to them.
but he understands the point that she makes, although he's grateful that she comes to a compromise nonetheless — and ah, so he didn't sound completely crazy to her, when he'd told her that he was a sword. there's a mental note to mention something to kashuu and mutsu later, but for now — ]
Why Kashuu and Mutsu in particular, though? Do you liiiiike them?
[ leaaaaning forward!! he also sounds like the most annoying five-year-old in the world, though. do you like them, lili? or do you..... like-like them?
but that aside, he finds himself amused by the simplicity of the nature of her request, and it's with a relieved tone that he answers. ]
Asking me to do something that I already do on a daily basis... That's certainly fine with me. Is there anything else, or will that be all?
no subject
Weird.
It completely flies over her head.]
.... No, I don't. [DOESN'T EVEN LIKE THEM IN A PLATONIC SENSE] They're simply the loudest!
[DUH. A slight huff though, as she slowly is able to regain herself.]
I don't have any reason to ask anything more of you though.