In truth, in the vagueness of it, she wanted him to feel free to tell her whatever he wanted. He'd already seen her memory, an unfair showing that she hadn't agreed to but this place forced her into. Then it had forced yet another exchange and she still doesn't understand - it's not the first time that she would've encountered something here that frightened her.
It just so happens that the person in front of her can also become that creature, whatever it was-
She draws in a breath and reminds herself of what she was so certain before: this man won't hurt her. This man had already promised that he wouldn't kill her. This man bandaged her arm.]
... No, that is enough. ["You are enough" is what she can't quite bring herself to say - he as he is, as opposed to who he may be if pushed too far and turned into something so similar to a monster.] You answered my question, after all.
[And that's really all she wanted. To know who he was and where he stood with his own opinion. When she finds her voice again to continue, it's quieter but it doesn't lose its determination. If anything, the tendrils of her anger begin to creep forward.]
Whatever I have seen, it's not information that you volunteered willingly and so - even if it's the truth - I don't deserve to know it. It's not within my right to ask after it. You are.... as you are.
[ Souji looks down at her, some of the blankness in his gaze receding for... Surprise? Relief? Maybe both, maybe neither? He'd expected the same situation as before, with him and Lili locked against one another, neither willing to be the first to back down. But just like that, the confrontation Souji was so idly prepared for was gone. ]
That's a surprise.
[ He doesn't go on to say why it's a surprise. He's pretty sure Lili can guess. Surprise or not, he's sharp-eyed enough to understand that she did him a favor here. Still.... If it comes up in the future... Souji silences that train of thought before it can continue. ]
[ It wouldn't come up again, he'd make sure of it. For now... He'll take this reprieve and make the most of it. ]
Let's go. I'm sure neither of us are in the mood to share anything else with each other.
[That... is her quiet acquiescence, because there truly is no lie in his words. There's no wish for her to know anything more about him, not learning it as unfairly as this. Even though there are times that she would rather not encounter Souji at all, she also knows for a fact that she is more concerned with his well-being in his current state than she would ever be with anything else.
His past is his past.
Still though.
There is one thing that remains to be on her mind and even as they begin walk, even though she'd just sworn that she doesn't care about anything else, there's no way that she can keep herself from asking-]
.... However, I have one question. You don't have to answer if you wish but - [But she won't be able to forgive herself if she doesn't ask.] Whatever illness you may have suffered or been suffering--
[ . . . . ]
Was that your cure?
[Does she truly not have to be concerned over that matter anymore?]
[ He’s given the choice for once, but Souji can’t find it in himself to be grateful for it. It’s a question that’s annoying for a million reasons and one. Sure, he doesn’t have to answer it, but a non-answer would reveal more than what Souji cared to show to Lili or anyone for that matter. Shrugging the question off could be equal to a definite “no”. But he didn’t want to give an actual answer, because that would be him responding to some show of concern or curiosity, two things Souji would rather deal without. ]
[ If only the answer was the one he desperately wanted it to be. ]
[ Resentment curled in his gut at the nature of the question and the fact that even he didn’t really know the answer. “keep your nose out of my business” “I never said I was sick, stop assuming things about me” ]
[ his voice, perfectly expressionless. ]
Yeah. So you can stop wasting your time worrying about it.
[ He doesn't add, "yeah, but now I've got more things to worry about". What else could he do but lie? At least he’s used to that. Kondou’s concern and Hijikata’s questions and the rest of the Shinsengumi – he had lied to them all too. Whatever Lili's response, Souji starts moving faster, intent on leaving this entire situation behind him. ]
He's lied to her before and she can recognize it and it throws a wrench into her willingness to just believe him at face value - but she doesn't seem to question it. She's not too bothered, but it feels like she's learned something far more impactful in the face of... everything here. Perhaps it's not time to harp on his health.
So she breathes out a sigh and says everything that she's thinking, in true Lili fashion-]
If you're lying to me, that's unfortunate.
... but if you aren't -
[If he's really cured, if he really doesn't have to worry about his health anymore, if that's one less problem even in the face of many others...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
souji. aka not-nameless-anymore butthead.
[Specific question if she wants specific answers.
Does she want that?
In truth, in the vagueness of it, she wanted him to feel free to tell her whatever he wanted. He'd already seen her memory, an unfair showing that she hadn't agreed to but this place forced her into. Then it had forced yet another exchange and she still doesn't understand - it's not the first time that she would've encountered something here that frightened her.
It just so happens that the person in front of her can also become that creature, whatever it was-
She draws in a breath and reminds herself of what she was so certain before: this man won't hurt her. This man had already promised that he wouldn't kill her. This man bandaged her arm.]
... No, that is enough. ["You are enough" is what she can't quite bring herself to say - he as he is, as opposed to who he may be if pushed too far and turned into something so similar to a monster.] You answered my question, after all.
[And that's really all she wanted. To know who he was and where he stood with his own opinion. When she finds her voice again to continue, it's quieter but it doesn't lose its determination. If anything, the tendrils of her anger begin to creep forward.]
Whatever I have seen, it's not information that you volunteered willingly and so - even if it's the truth - I don't deserve to know it. It's not within my right to ask after it. You are.... as you are.
[A captain. A monster. Souji.
Whoever he is, she'll accept it.]
still a butthead though
[ Souji looks down at her, some of the blankness in his gaze receding for... Surprise? Relief? Maybe both, maybe neither? He'd expected the same situation as before, with him and Lili locked against one another, neither willing to be the first to back down. But just like that, the confrontation Souji was so idly prepared for was gone. ]
That's a surprise.
[ He doesn't go on to say why it's a surprise. He's pretty sure Lili can guess. Surprise or not, he's sharp-eyed enough to understand that she did him a favor here. Still.... If it comes up in the future... Souji silences that train of thought before it can continue. ]
[ It wouldn't come up again, he'd make sure of it. For now... He'll take this reprieve and make the most of it. ]
Let's go. I'm sure neither of us are in the mood to share anything else with each other.
absolutely forever a butthead
[That... is her quiet acquiescence, because there truly is no lie in his words. There's no wish for her to know anything more about him, not learning it as unfairly as this. Even though there are times that she would rather not encounter Souji at all, she also knows for a fact that she is more concerned with his well-being in his current state than she would ever be with anything else.
His past is his past.
Still though.
There is one thing that remains to be on her mind and even as they begin walk, even though she'd just sworn that she doesn't care about anything else, there's no way that she can keep herself from asking-]
.... However, I have one question. You don't have to answer if you wish but - [But she won't be able to forgive herself if she doesn't ask.] Whatever illness you may have suffered or been suffering--
[ . . . . ]
Was that your cure?
[Does she truly not have to be concerned over that matter anymore?]
no subject
[ If only the answer was the one he desperately wanted it to be. ]
[ Resentment curled in his gut at the nature of the question and the fact that even he didn’t really know the answer. “keep your nose out of my business” “I never said I was sick, stop assuming things about me” ]
[ his voice, perfectly expressionless. ]
Yeah. So you can stop wasting your time worrying about it.
[ He doesn't add, "yeah, but now I've got more things to worry about". What else could he do but lie? At least he’s used to that. Kondou’s concern and Hijikata’s questions and the rest of the Shinsengumi – he had lied to them all too. Whatever Lili's response, Souji starts moving faster, intent on leaving this entire situation behind him. ]
no subject
He's lied to her before and she can recognize it and it throws a wrench into her willingness to just believe him at face value - but she doesn't seem to question it. She's not too bothered, but it feels like she's learned something far more impactful in the face of... everything here. Perhaps it's not time to harp on his health.
So she breathes out a sigh and says everything that she's thinking, in true Lili fashion-]
If you're lying to me, that's unfortunate.
... but if you aren't -
[If he's really cured, if he really doesn't have to worry about his health anymore, if that's one less problem even in the face of many others...]
- I'm relieved.
You deserve better than what you've been dealt.