Lili is a child of the water, proud and mighty even in her practiced serenity. Yet it's said that when one of the Water Tribe is angered, they are unleashed like a storm. Their perseverance is unrelenting, tossing constantly like the waves of the ocean.
Hitting the water hurts - it stings and she wouldn't be surprised if something's sprained - but more than that, even as she immediately kicks her legs, she finds that she's not able to break the surface. (How odd. She hasn't had time to be submerged in bodies of water lately, but someone like herself would sooner forget how to breathe than forget how to swim.) Her hand reaches out. Again. And again. Except even then she can feel the pull of the water, the sting of it in her eyes, the burning in her throat that demands breath like it had once demanded - ha, water.
She tries to keep her head up.
Certainly the people up there are worrying after her. "Thank you, Naoki" she had said - and isn't that cruel? When he was clearly trying so hard to keep them all safe and she went and did this and—
Tsurumaru.
The pain of thinking of leaving him hits her at the same time that she can no longer hold her breath. Her body automatically tries to get something in her lungs, some form of oxygen, but as her lips part and she involuntarily gasps, there is only water.
She thinks she can hear the whirring of something mechanical.
"I don't like it when humans insist that they're going to live, only to be reckless with their recoveries and end up dying anyway," he'd said. The water that fills her lungs is painful. Her chest aches. Her eyes sting and somehow even now when she can't tell the water from her tears, she's sure that she's crying. "People who fail usually end up dying, anyway — and you just said that you wouldn't die so easily," he'd said. It hurts and yet she finds herself struggling for breath, still trying and trying.
People who fail usually end up dying, anyway.
Here she is, failing again.
Yet even as she sinks deeper into the water, even as the currents knock her about and her strength begins to leave her body as even the empty space in her lungs is replaced by water, water, more water — her hand reaches out. Her legs kick. Her vision is going blurry and she can't remember what it feels like to breathe.
Why was she brought here? Why was she whisked away to answer a stupid text message and then put in so much danger? Why did something like this happen to someone like her? It's unfair, she thinks for half a second. It's unfair and she didn't deserve this.
Her friends didn't deserve this. What will Otome think, when she comes back to the apartment with the same empty feeling as Lili when she realized that Atsushi wasn't waiting for her? They were supposed to have dinner. Neither of them were very good at cooking, but that didn't mean they didn't try. It was just finally starting to feel like a home again.
What will Kashuu think, when this time he comes looking for her and she can't even answer his texts? Would he be lonely without her? Or would he choose to forget her too, never uttering her name again? Why did it hurt so badly to think of a world where her name would never pass through Kashuu's lips?
She can't hear much of anything anymore, but she thinks she can hear a whirring coming closer.
And then, one last taunting phrase. Leon telling her, simply and genuinely: "Be better than me."
I couldn't.
Her eyes begin to shut, the waters pull her ever closer to the blades, but her hand remains stretched out in front of her in the direction that she thinks is up - that she only hopes is up.
This time, she couldn't be better than anyone.
It's only in the darkness, in the final moments where she can no longer feel the coldness around her or... anything at all that she can admit it to herself.
I'm scared.
Images pass through her mind in flashes.
A touch, handkerchief in hand, to wipe away her tears. A hand in hers, guiding her through rubble and danger. A surprised look on a 16 year old boy's face, afraid to hope. A pinky intertwined with her own, echoes of a promise still lingering in her heart. A cake decorated with a golden leaf, given to her just because.
And I'm sorry.
But Lili is not the same person that she was when she arrived all those months ago.
Even as her eyes close and her heartbeat slows, her fingers twitch - still seeking the surface.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
first death.
Of course she screams on the way down.
Yet she doesn't get to hear if it echoes.
Lili is a child of the water, proud and mighty even in her practiced serenity. Yet it's said that when one of the Water Tribe is angered, they are unleashed like a storm. Their perseverance is unrelenting, tossing constantly like the waves of the ocean.
Hitting the water hurts - it stings and she wouldn't be surprised if something's sprained - but more than that, even as she immediately kicks her legs, she finds that she's not able to break the surface. (How odd. She hasn't had time to be submerged in bodies of water lately, but someone like herself would sooner forget how to breathe than forget how to swim.) Her hand reaches out. Again. And again. Except even then she can feel the pull of the water, the sting of it in her eyes, the burning in her throat that demands breath like it had once demanded - ha, water.
She tries to keep her head up.
Certainly the people up there are worrying after her. "Thank you, Naoki" she had said - and isn't that cruel? When he was clearly trying so hard to keep them all safe and she went and did this and—
Tsurumaru.
The pain of thinking of leaving him hits her at the same time that she can no longer hold her breath. Her body automatically tries to get something in her lungs, some form of oxygen, but as her lips part and she involuntarily gasps, there is only water.
She thinks she can hear the whirring of something mechanical.
"I don't like it when humans insist that they're going to live, only to be reckless with their recoveries and end up dying anyway," he'd said. The water that fills her lungs is painful. Her chest aches. Her eyes sting and somehow even now when she can't tell the water from her tears, she's sure that she's crying. "People who fail usually end up dying, anyway — and you just said that you wouldn't die so easily," he'd said. It hurts and yet she finds herself struggling for breath, still trying and trying.
People who fail usually end up dying, anyway.
Here she is, failing again.
Yet even as she sinks deeper into the water, even as the currents knock her about and her strength begins to leave her body as even the empty space in her lungs is replaced by water, water, more water — her hand reaches out. Her legs kick. Her vision is going blurry and she can't remember what it feels like to breathe.
Why was she brought here? Why was she whisked away to answer a stupid text message and then put in so much danger? Why did something like this happen to someone like her? It's unfair, she thinks for half a second. It's unfair and she didn't deserve this.
Her friends didn't deserve this. What will Otome think, when she comes back to the apartment with the same empty feeling as Lili when she realized that Atsushi wasn't waiting for her? They were supposed to have dinner. Neither of them were very good at cooking, but that didn't mean they didn't try. It was just finally starting to feel like a home again.
What will Kashuu think, when this time he comes looking for her and she can't even answer his texts? Would he be lonely without her? Or would he choose to forget her too, never uttering her name again? Why did it hurt so badly to think of a world where her name would never pass through Kashuu's lips?
She can't hear much of anything anymore, but she thinks she can hear a whirring coming closer.
And then, one last taunting phrase. Leon telling her, simply and genuinely: "Be better than me."
I couldn't.
Her eyes begin to shut, the waters pull her ever closer to the blades, but her hand remains stretched out in front of her in the direction that she thinks is up - that she only hopes is up.
This time, she couldn't be better than anyone.
It's only in the darkness, in the final moments where she can no longer feel the coldness around her or... anything at all that she can admit it to herself.
I'm scared.
Images pass through her mind in flashes.
A touch, handkerchief in hand, to wipe away her tears. A hand in hers, guiding her through rubble and danger. A surprised look on a 16 year old boy's face, afraid to hope. A pinky intertwined with her own, echoes of a promise still lingering in her heart. A cake decorated with a golden leaf, given to her just because.
And I'm sorry.
But Lili is not the same person that she was when she arrived all those months ago.
Even as her eyes close and her heartbeat slows, her fingers twitch - still seeking the surface.