( who knows what fear could be, but the mental image of small little black globs that wiggle their mouth unhappily on the side of the cup seems like an aesthetic! they're pure, not doing much and don't even look as scary as they're name is meant to be! in any case, nero looks at her own beverage and her mood is quite sour, how can this feeble human speak to her in such a way.
the one that she's been given isn't one she can quickly guess who it may belong too ( it's soujis) , only because she doesn't want to raise her head up to check. the anger that courses through her because of this incompetent female but lili probably already thinks the same. grabbing the cup and bringing it to her lips, she hums happily at the taste of peanuts evident within the beverage. a hand is raised to press over her lips to take in the rush of flavors and it's rather tasty. she likes it.
now nero may be having a good time, but in lili's case, there's something that's gone absolutely wrong. a burning image comes into her mind of something simple, the setting is placed in a room that is colored red, 01010101 coding floating in the sky outside the window and two people facing one another. one of them, dressed in more red that lili should be familiar with is sitting on what to seems to be a makeshift throne and there's another with brunette hair standing right before her. could that be her lacky? someone who is a fool and is just listening to her? no, they're more than that. though the room in her mind is silent, the air is thick as if there's something important about to be spoken. of course, it begins:
here is where lili would meet nero's faults, how ignorant she was but also that she is too stubborn. that royalty also courses through nero's veins. perhaps there are soem small aspects where her and lili are the same. who knows. it's the lore of herself and her own demise, she speaks this to hakuno of the life she lead a long time ago. and those exact words then are now running through lili's mind. the conversation that is spoken back and forth between both saber and hakuno is only of understanding, as simple as that. there is also talk of love, something that nero has always wanted for herself, even if she had been selfish. perhaps, if only she could have been able to love like her people? this entire conversation and the responses, her own mistakes and such are now draped on lili's shoulders; not only that how saber had ended her own life is now a memory shared to the raven. how she reacts with them is all on her own. )
For a long moment, she seems to freeze, going through the memory that plays in her mind's eye too suddenly, too rapidly for her to completely understand what's going on. She is immersed in the story of Nero, she is captivated by the talk of politics, and then—
Then she is overcome by her end.
Immediately, tears spring to her eyes, her hand coming up to numbly cover her mouth as tears already begin to fall down her cheeks without her permission.
Why is she crying?
Nero may not know it, but Lili is just as rebellious as she is noble. The idea of doing one's best to care for their citizens is something that she understands to her very core. It has driven her every action, her every reckless motion, her every waking moment whether she was in her own lands or not. Even now, she craves for a meal prepared by one of the villages in her town. Every fiber of her being wishes for home so that she may continue to institute her reforms to improve her lands.
But then there's that word again. Love.
When one does not express love in a way that can be understood, one will not receive love in return.
Lili's experience with 'love' and the idea of it has been shaped only since she arrived here. Not once had she ever been told that she's loved, that she's adored in any sort of way - her attendants cared for her, but there was a boundary there that they could not overstep. Her father was always too cold, too far away, too out of reach.
But again, here is someone who craves love. Who needs to be loved. Who deserved love and never found it.
She can't stop the sob that escapes her throat even as she covers her face with both hands.
Isn't this story too sad?]
ITS OK I UNDERSTAND, SHE HAD HER HEART BROKEN BY HER PEOPLE!!! but she still loves them
( there's something about nero's throat that burns, a hand raised as she press against the skin — the same place where a knife had penetrated her throat. it should not hurt before for some reason, this area is starting to bother her. another sip of the drink and it's scalding as it runs down her throat, the servant setting it down and wondering for what reason. perhaps it's only a reminder of something she should not forget, something she won't ever forget. what she's done in the past has been done and she will not regret it, but she feels that she's over-exaggerating. maybe this child has only brought her throat to become sore but when has talking ever stopped nero from she does best?
clearing her throat, there's a familiar sound that comes to her ears. it reminds her of the days the children would cry for their emperor, hoping she would return and embrace them once again. but perhaps, to hear such a thing coming from the person beside her is shocking. the emperor's eyes widen for only a moment to see that lili has began sobbing out of nowhere. for what reason, she isn't sure and she wonders if the drink had not settled with her correctly. )
Speak, why is it that your face becomes red and yet not with satisfaction or happiness! The tears that paint your cheeks and fall, why must you become the cloud to rain on your own shining day. ( listen, nero may be a bitch sometimes but even she knows that to see a woman become upset or even cry is a personal offence to her. she's someone who knows the beauties and the arts so witnessing this for some unknown reason, she can't help but become curious. her words are calm, trying to figure out what it could have been. it's all out of nowhere and those heavy sobs can't just be from anything. sadly, nero doesn't know that a part of her life has been settled in lili's memories, that she knows the time that hakuno had found pathetic but for nero, she had only been doing her best. )
I will put my ill-will aside, what is it that ails you?
( does nero even have a right from how she spoken to lili moments ago? or is it that lili knows too much and nero has a right to know? or maybe, she finds some agreement in her words though they see things different but it's almost through the same eyes. )
[And in truth, Lili hates this place. She hates the fact that it will force her to delve into the lives of others without permission. It's happened on so many occasions now and - she thinks that truly, some things ought to be kept sacred. Clearly this world doesn't agree. So she's still trying to calm her breaths as she sorts out her thoughts - but it's hard.
It's hard when it hits so close to home.
Lili would do everything for her people, has done everything for her people. Ever inch of her being, every fibre of her soul is dedicated to caring for her lands and she's never thought once about the importance of being loved in return. Yet feeling it through that memory, hearing it in Nero's voice, realizing that there - there really might be a place for love when it comes to duty and responsibility.... it's almost scary.
Like a door that Lili had never bothered to look into, it's wrenched open wide now, the contents of it foreign to her.]
I'm sorry....
[Nero doesn't deserve to have her privacy so violated.]
I saw - I know... what happened to you.
ugh theres a marina and the diamonds song for this
Mu? What do you know of me? What is there to see when there is nothing? ( looking both left and right, she doesn't quite understand what has brought on these tears. though it's her words that has brought saber to ease into silence, what does she know about this emperor or can she only say that just to play around. the tears that fall down the female's cheeks look nothing but genuine, that she had actually seen something she hadn't mean to peek into.
her apology, the emperor would take it as an apology to all her rash words but that doesn't seem fit. leans forward, a hand reaching out and quickly flicking away a tear that slowly rolls down her finger. taking a look at such an emotion, she flicks it to the side. ) Tears can tell many things, they are much more expressive than other actions. Nothing is more expressive than I but tears are rather.. your tears. They do tell me a lot, from how they run down your cheeks and make such a vibrant red mark upon pristine features. Your body has grown use to them, speak, what is it that I had brought you to tears.
( a pause as she raises a brow. ) Tell me now.
( though that is a command, she stares at lili in waiting for what it could have been, whatever can shake up such a girl that had a thick coating that wouldn't break by any of her words. ) It is nothing but a rapid change, what is it that I could have said or done, that will break you down. You were much stronger before.
there's a marina and the diamonds song for everything
Certainly, there are many things. Lili will cry when she's distressed, when she's scared, when she's worried for the well-being of her beloved friends. However in a far more simpler, less blemished sense, Lili will cry when confronted with an overwhelming, unbelievable level of cruelty. Even now she's trying to wipe at her own tears, trying to calm the unbearable beating of her heart, and the internal pain she feels at the very idea of someone never accomplishing what they wanted their whole life -
Something like love.]
You.... You loved your people, didn't you?
[Lili was able to tell before that she was talking to someone of rank, someone of status who is used to throwing around such flowery words, but.... it's different if it's not all talk. If there's truly concern and care for one's country behind it all.
But the thing is that her people didn't understand and that just gets Lili to sob briefly.]
It's impossible - to find rulers who serve their people properly anymore. It's not easy, so—
Why?
[What did Nero deserve to be removed from her place?
What kind of world is it where even the most devoted leaders aren't allowed to be with the kingdom they love?]
its time for fear & loathing that sour jam of the day!
My people. ( those words, they hold much meaning to her and even now after all the years that has passed. she took care of them, did as much as she could to ensure a successful life and made sure they were loved (in her own way). it's true, yes she did love them, she loved them more than anything since saber had a heart that could love more than anyone. love isn't a simple word to her, with the masses that she placed deeply into her heart and had been willing to help and make sure of their happiness, create festivals, bring them to her theater and even end taxes so their life had been joyful.
she would rebuild what she could so that the populace would have better than before after the great fire, something that many people know about. it does not pain her to be asked this question, she would not lie about it and somehow, lili has learned just a little of her life. )
My people? Loved? No. Love. It is love. My love still remains for them. I love my people, even now as time has passed and even I can't count how many years ago it has been. I love them will all my heart, I had been foolish back then for not understanding the love that they had. To love and to continue to love, their lives are not here anymore but they will remain in my heart. A place that they will never leave.
( a hand raises as she places it over her chest where that heart resides. ) Those who cannot rule should be easily replaced for those that know what they are doing, it is not themselves that they are taking care of by wealth. They must also make sure the people around them are also happy, listen to and aware of their problems.
( crossing her legs, there's a serious look upon her features. ) If you know of the love I have for my people, and yet you say rulers are so hard: time has passed and those who knew how to and found their deaths. The times have changed and there is a time where death will consume those who rule, it's only up to them with how they're willing to live their life. I do not regret.
( her lips purse into a straight line as she looks away for a moment. ) If there is no communication between you and your people, what can anyone do for them. I held communication. ( or so she thought. she also did not hold the love that they knew, it was not enough to reach out to them so in return, the hand that she had been dealt. ) You understand, don't you? The people should and always be loved by their Emperor. For me, that's how I feel anyway. Like a rose, the thorns pricked my hands but I continued to ensure that I watered the blooming flowers. They continued to thrive, even after.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
WHY AM I THE INDECENT!
the one that she's been given isn't one she can quickly guess who it may belong too ( it's soujis) , only because she doesn't want to raise her head up to check. the anger that courses through her because of this incompetent female but lili probably already thinks the same. grabbing the cup and bringing it to her lips, she hums happily at the taste of peanuts evident within the beverage. a hand is raised to press over her lips to take in the rush of flavors and it's rather tasty. she likes it.
now nero may be having a good time, but in lili's case, there's something that's gone absolutely wrong. a burning image comes into her mind of something simple, the setting is placed in a room that is colored red, 01010101 coding floating in the sky outside the window and two people facing one another. one of them, dressed in more red that lili should be familiar with is sitting on what to seems to be a makeshift throne and there's another with brunette hair standing right before her. could that be her lacky? someone who is a fool and is just listening to her? no, they're more than that. though the room in her mind is silent, the air is thick as if there's something important about to be spoken. of course, it begins:
❝ ...hmm? then i suppose all that remains would be my last moments. ❞ ( it's timed and watching it all the way to 16:20 is mostly preferable! )
here is where lili would meet nero's faults, how ignorant she was but also that she is too stubborn. that royalty also courses through nero's veins. perhaps there are soem small aspects where her and lili are the same. who knows. it's the lore of herself and her own demise, she speaks this to hakuno of the life she lead a long time ago. and those exact words then are now running through lili's mind. the conversation that is spoken back and forth between both saber and hakuno is only of understanding, as simple as that. there is also talk of love, something that nero has always wanted for herself, even if she had been selfish. perhaps, if only she could have been able to love like her people? this entire conversation and the responses, her own mistakes and such are now draped on lili's shoulders; not only that how saber had ended her own life is now a memory shared to the raven. how she reacts with them is all on her own. )
ALSO THE HEARTBREAKING
For a long moment, she seems to freeze, going through the memory that plays in her mind's eye too suddenly, too rapidly for her to completely understand what's going on. She is immersed in the story of Nero, she is captivated by the talk of politics, and then—
Then she is overcome by her end.
Immediately, tears spring to her eyes, her hand coming up to numbly cover her mouth as tears already begin to fall down her cheeks without her permission.
Why is she crying?
Nero may not know it, but Lili is just as rebellious as she is noble. The idea of doing one's best to care for their citizens is something that she understands to her very core. It has driven her every action, her every reckless motion, her every waking moment whether she was in her own lands or not. Even now, she craves for a meal prepared by one of the villages in her town. Every fiber of her being wishes for home so that she may continue to institute her reforms to improve her lands.
But then there's that word again. Love.
When one does not express love in a way that can be understood, one will not receive love in return.
Lili's experience with 'love' and the idea of it has been shaped only since she arrived here. Not once had she ever been told that she's loved, that she's adored in any sort of way - her attendants cared for her, but there was a boundary there that they could not overstep. Her father was always too cold, too far away, too out of reach.
But again, here is someone who craves love. Who needs to be loved. Who deserved love and never found it.
She can't stop the sob that escapes her throat even as she covers her face with both hands.
Isn't this story too sad?]
ITS OK I UNDERSTAND, SHE HAD HER HEART BROKEN BY HER PEOPLE!!! but she still loves them
clearing her throat, there's a familiar sound that comes to her ears. it reminds her of the days the children would cry for their emperor, hoping she would return and embrace them once again. but perhaps, to hear such a thing coming from the person beside her is shocking. the emperor's eyes widen for only a moment to see that lili has began sobbing out of nowhere. for what reason, she isn't sure and she wonders if the drink had not settled with her correctly. )
Speak, why is it that your face becomes red and yet not with satisfaction or happiness! The tears that paint your cheeks and fall, why must you become the cloud to rain on your own shining day. ( listen, nero may be a bitch sometimes but even she knows that to see a woman become upset or even cry is a personal offence to her. she's someone who knows the beauties and the arts so witnessing this for some unknown reason, she can't help but become curious. her words are calm, trying to figure out what it could have been. it's all out of nowhere and those heavy sobs can't just be from anything. sadly, nero doesn't know that a part of her life has been settled in lili's memories, that she knows the time that hakuno had found pathetic but for nero, she had only been doing her best. )
I will put my ill-will aside, what is it that ails you?
( does nero even have a right from how she spoken to lili moments ago? or is it that lili knows too much and nero has a right to know? or maybe, she finds some agreement in her words though they see things different but it's almost through the same eyes. )
time for all hearts to be broken
[And in truth, Lili hates this place. She hates the fact that it will force her to delve into the lives of others without permission. It's happened on so many occasions now and - she thinks that truly, some things ought to be kept sacred. Clearly this world doesn't agree. So she's still trying to calm her breaths as she sorts out her thoughts - but it's hard.
It's hard when it hits so close to home.
Lili would do everything for her people, has done everything for her people. Ever inch of her being, every fibre of her soul is dedicated to caring for her lands and she's never thought once about the importance of being loved in return. Yet feeling it through that memory, hearing it in Nero's voice, realizing that there - there really might be a place for love when it comes to duty and responsibility.... it's almost scary.
Like a door that Lili had never bothered to look into, it's wrenched open wide now, the contents of it foreign to her.]
I'm sorry....
[Nero doesn't deserve to have her privacy so violated.]
I saw - I know... what happened to you.
ugh theres a marina and the diamonds song for this
her apology, the emperor would take it as an apology to all her rash words but that doesn't seem fit. leans forward, a hand reaching out and quickly flicking away a tear that slowly rolls down her finger. taking a look at such an emotion, she flicks it to the side. ) Tears can tell many things, they are much more expressive than other actions. Nothing is more expressive than I but tears are rather.. your tears. They do tell me a lot, from how they run down your cheeks and make such a vibrant red mark upon pristine features. Your body has grown use to them, speak, what is it that I had brought you to tears.
( a pause as she raises a brow. ) Tell me now.
( though that is a command, she stares at lili in waiting for what it could have been, whatever can shake up such a girl that had a thick coating that wouldn't break by any of her words. ) It is nothing but a rapid change, what is it that I could have said or done, that will break you down. You were much stronger before.
there's a marina and the diamonds song for everything
Certainly, there are many things. Lili will cry when she's distressed, when she's scared, when she's worried for the well-being of her beloved friends. However in a far more simpler, less blemished sense, Lili will cry when confronted with an overwhelming, unbelievable level of cruelty. Even now she's trying to wipe at her own tears, trying to calm the unbearable beating of her heart, and the internal pain she feels at the very idea of someone never accomplishing what they wanted their whole life -
Something like love.]
You.... You loved your people, didn't you?
[Lili was able to tell before that she was talking to someone of rank, someone of status who is used to throwing around such flowery words, but.... it's different if it's not all talk. If there's truly concern and care for one's country behind it all.
But the thing is that her people didn't understand and that just gets Lili to sob briefly.]
It's impossible - to find rulers who serve their people properly anymore. It's not easy, so—
Why?
[What did Nero deserve to be removed from her place?
What kind of world is it where even the most devoted leaders aren't allowed to be with the kingdom they love?]
its time for fear & loathing that sour jam of the day!
she would rebuild what she could so that the populace would have better than before after the great fire, something that many people know about. it does not pain her to be asked this question, she would not lie about it and somehow, lili has learned just a little of her life. )
My people? Loved? No. Love. It is love. My love still remains for them. I love my people, even now as time has passed and even I can't count how many years ago it has been. I love them will all my heart, I had been foolish back then for not understanding the love that they had. To love and to continue to love, their lives are not here anymore but they will remain in my heart. A place that they will never leave.
( a hand raises as she places it over her chest where that heart resides. ) Those who cannot rule should be easily replaced for those that know what they are doing, it is not themselves that they are taking care of by wealth. They must also make sure the people around them are also happy, listen to and aware of their problems.
( crossing her legs, there's a serious look upon her features. ) If you know of the love I have for my people, and yet you say rulers are so hard: time has passed and those who knew how to and found their deaths. The times have changed and there is a time where death will consume those who rule, it's only up to them with how they're willing to live their life. I do not regret.
( her lips purse into a straight line as she looks away for a moment. ) If there is no communication between you and your people, what can anyone do for them. I held communication. ( or so she thought. she also did not hold the love that they knew, it was not enough to reach out to them so in return, the hand that she had been dealt. ) You understand, don't you? The people should and always be loved by their Emperor. For me, that's how I feel anyway. Like a rose, the thorns pricked my hands but I continued to ensure that I watered the blooming flowers. They continued to thrive, even after.