I am hardly the only person who’s taken life before they came here - I understand that you’re not familiar with the concept, but sometimes when the option is to have someone important taken away from you, or to stop someone who is truly despicable, the answer is evident.
In situations like that.... if you don’t want to die, then fight.
[that’s literally all there is to it, as far as lili is concerned]
The night after they tried to pour the drug down my throat, we tried to escape. A soldier found us, and if I didn’t stop him, he would’ve killed Yona. So I killed him first, and we ran away.
[she’ll keep her eyes down on the batter then, trying to tell the story as clinically as possible, though more out of consideration for kaoru than herself]
... Yona sprained her ankle, and more soldiers were looking for us. We weren’t getting away fast enough, so -
I hid her away, and then ran in the direction of the soldiers. They captured me and intended to make an example of what happens to people who try to run, and so I was to be publicly executed for my crime.
... it’s hard to be afraid of anything now, after all that.
[she won’t be threatened or intimated, when she’s had a noose around her neck]
[And as she explains, he thinks about what he's said. "I understand that you're not familiar with the concept." It's true. This is more out of his depth than usual and he stares almost blankly as he listens to the story. It adds up with what he's seen of her memories already.
Would he do the same thing if he and Hikaru were in danger? He wants to say yes, but he knows the answer. He would find some other route and Hikaru would lose his cool and do the killing first. And yet he can understand doing something for someone else, to protect someone you care about...
...but this doesn't make this any easier.]
I imagine a public execution would do that, yes. [Wow.] But...you're alive. [A nod to himself.] Something like this doesn't really scare you at all then, does it?
I think I finally understand why you really are here.
[even if she won’t say what about, because the answer is in front of her. lili generally lacks a regard for her own life and it’s difficult to say if that’ll ever change now, when she thinks that the world will continue to turn regardless of her own place in it. but here -
here, she’s tied to kaoru.
and so she can’t always take care of him, and if anything were to happen to her, then he would have to live in fear of his own life. she can’t allow that. she can’t let anyone else suffer because of her.]
Do you still really believe I’m here for a reason?
[He considers that for some time before there's another slow nod. She's here for a reason, but it's likely not the one she thinks it could be. It's also likely not for the one she wants it to be if she ever wanted on. So, he chooses not to elaborate.]
I do. Even if it's not a reason chosen by the universe or whatever. [He pushes himself away from the counter, approaching a little and looking at the batter for banana bread.]
...do you think if we send a lantern it will reach them? [Curiously. He still has a lot of thoughts on Lili and her near death experiences, but he'll keep those private for now.]
If you think I’m an idiot, at least do me the bare minimum of saying so.
[because she just automatically assumes that he’s judging her negatively, because lili’s social skills are godawful and often revolve thinking that people assume the worst of her]
You're entirely capable of taking care of yourself and I don't know if I am in comparison. My bad for thinking it was the other way around. [A blasé shrug. It's too casual but he doesn't want to actually discuss everything and make things even more annoying for her. But she's stubborn, so...well. Whatever.]
[ . . . hrrrrggghhhhh. the problem is that lili thinks that she’s capable and able to do anything she puts her mind to, but she almost never hears other people come to the same conclusion. she’s still absolutely baffled for a moment when kaoru explains, even though there’s definitely a blush that’s starting to color her face at the recognition
and then she’S JUST GONNA HUFF AND WALK AWAY TO THE FRIDGE even though she doesn’t need anything from it]
... I said I’d protect you, didn’t I?
[still enjoy the fact that she’s like half a foot shorter than him And Yet]
[This...tsundere...princess....he blinks after her even if he's actually trying not to grin, doing nothing to follow her but watching her for a moment.]
You did. [Is he actually going to explain?] ...Hikaru...[Nah.]
[This is so funny why the fuck. But he allows this...]
We've spoken a bit...he seems to think there are only certain forms of training and work we should be doing here. I was curious if he said anything like that to you.
I got the impression he was incredibly serious. [But he looks up at the ceiling.] Something like that. I told him I was attempting to do some research on this place and the people in it and essentially learned that it's pointless if I can't get the answers right away.
[He doesn't take Kara too seriously, but it annoyed him because he's not really a fighter.]
[and that manages to calm her down enough that she can... pull her face out of the fridge and go back to the batter wordlessly as if she wasn’t looking for anything at all]
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I am hardly the only person who’s taken life before they came here - I understand that you’re not familiar with the concept, but sometimes when the option is to have someone important taken away from you, or to stop someone who is truly despicable, the answer is evident.
In situations like that.... if you don’t want to die, then fight.
[that’s literally all there is to it, as far as lili is concerned]
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There are several concepts I'm unfamiliar with here. [And somehow that makes this much harder.]
And that's why you fought? In that memory. [Let's talk about that.]
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she pauses, and then looks a little sheepish for a second before she shakes her head]
... I didn’t want to die.
I thought I was prepared... but I didn’t want them to win, so I chose to fight back instead.
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You asked if Yona and I dismantled that place.
The night after they tried to pour the drug down my throat, we tried to escape. A soldier found us, and if I didn’t stop him, he would’ve killed Yona. So I killed him first, and we ran away.
[she’ll keep her eyes down on the batter then, trying to tell the story as clinically as possible, though more out of consideration for kaoru than herself]
... Yona sprained her ankle, and more soldiers were looking for us. We weren’t getting away fast enough, so -
I hid her away, and then ran in the direction of the soldiers. They captured me and intended to make an example of what happens to people who try to run, and so I was to be publicly executed for my crime.
... it’s hard to be afraid of anything now, after all that.
[she won’t be threatened or intimated, when she’s had a noose around her neck]
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Would he do the same thing if he and Hikaru were in danger? He wants to say yes, but he knows the answer. He would find some other route and Hikaru would lose his cool and do the killing first. And yet he can understand doing something for someone else, to protect someone you care about...
...but this doesn't make this any easier.]
I imagine a public execution would do that, yes. [Wow.] But...you're alive. [A nod to himself.] Something like this doesn't really scare you at all then, does it?
I think I finally understand why you really are here.
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I get scared.
[even if she won’t say what about, because the answer is in front of her. lili generally lacks a regard for her own life and it’s difficult to say if that’ll ever change now, when she thinks that the world will continue to turn regardless of her own place in it. but here -
here, she’s tied to kaoru.
and so she can’t always take care of him, and if anything were to happen to her, then he would have to live in fear of his own life. she can’t allow that. she can’t let anyone else suffer because of her.]
Do you still really believe I’m here for a reason?
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I do. Even if it's not a reason chosen by the universe or whatever. [He pushes himself away from the counter, approaching a little and looking at the batter for banana bread.]
...do you think if we send a lantern it will reach them? [Curiously. He still has a lot of thoughts on Lili and her near death experiences, but he'll keep those private for now.]
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[a little irritatedly, to be honest. she watches him for a moment and doesn’t choose to respond to the lantern comment just yet.
because it’s so obvious that even lili won’t let herself be led astray by it]
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[because she just automatically assumes that he’s judging her negatively, because lili’s social skills are godawful and often revolve thinking that people assume the worst of her]
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If anyone's the idiot here, it's me for underestimating you and your ability to take care of yourself. I don't think you understand.
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sorry hold on]
What?
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You're entirely capable of taking care of yourself and I don't know if I am in comparison. My bad for thinking it was the other way around. [A blasé shrug. It's too casual but he doesn't want to actually discuss everything and make things even more annoying for her. But she's stubborn, so...well. Whatever.]
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and then she’S JUST GONNA HUFF AND WALK AWAY TO THE FRIDGE even though she doesn’t need anything from it]
... I said I’d protect you, didn’t I?
[still enjoy the fact that she’s like half a foot shorter than him And Yet]
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You did. [Is he actually going to explain?] ...Hikaru...[Nah.]
Have you spoken to Ookurikara much?
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Enough...
Why?
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We've spoken a bit...he seems to think there are only certain forms of training and work we should be doing here. I was curious if he said anything like that to you.
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her faces remains in the fridge]
Training and work... He’s a pretty serious type, but I believe in what he tries to accomplish.
[RECKLESS REBELLION also he’s hot. wow is that boy hot.]
He’s been helping me learn swordplay, and cook.
Do you mean like that?
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[He doesn't take Kara too seriously, but it annoyed him because he's not really a fighter.]
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[like. incredibly bad.]
What you can do is different from what he can.
[and that manages to calm her down enough that she can... pull her face out of the fridge and go back to the batter wordlessly as if she wasn’t looking for anything at all]
So... don’t listen to him, if you’re discouraged.
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I understand his point, but I want to also prove him wrong. That's the problem I'm finding here.
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Then work around him, and faster. Then give him information that he wants.
[is she into kara? unfortunately - hell yea.
is she even more into the idea of proving people wrong at every turn?
hell yea]
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I've started something of an alliance with Milla as well to trade information. I thought you may as well know that for future reference.
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[and she'll go back to the cookbook that she brought along to see what else she needs to do with this batch of batter...]
I told Ookurikara to go to Shess for help, because - oh, he doesn't know anyone's names. That's how stubborn he gets. [juST SO KAORU KNOWS]
Shess told me that a group was sent earlier this week to deal with the darkness in the gateway.
I also gave Shess our shared list of trustworthy people, since I figure if he's that old, he probably has a better way to find information than us.
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