Only if helping yourself doesn't throw off the balance of something else. So then it becomes a question of who are you most interested in helping? Other people, or yourself?
[...] I think Daiba-chan may have wondered the same.
Because she asked me. [It's something that he's been thinking about for a while.] If I had the chance to change the future. She asked me what I thought, and I don't know if I gave her a satisfactory answer. And now I'll never know what, exactly, she was thinking.
[Leave him alone to wallow.] As cruel as it is to say, perhaps it's best they went together.
Junna would be pretty furious... and vice versa, I think.
[and she's still sad about it, no mistake but.
it's hard for her to be upset when there's someone far more bothered in front of her. she wonders exactly what she's supposed to do in this situation...
she'll just reach out to pat his hair - it's a little awkward but listen, she's trying]
She asked for your opinion because you were her friend... so any answer you gave was fine, I'm sure.
[She's trying and that counts even if it surprises him enough that he stops talking for a second.]
...you're right. They would be furious. [To address that first.] The worst part about all of this is knowing that things are only going to get worse from here. Especially knowing that whoever killed Junna is still there somewhere.
[It's frustrating. But there's a half-smile because he gets that Lili's at a loss, and maybe he should explain why he's being weird.] I keep realizing I'm very out of my depth here. That's all.
[ . . . there's a pause at that and she'll bring her hand back, but also move so that she can rest her arms on the pillows on the divide between them, trying still to peer at his face.
ao will still be curled up by him]
... are you scared?
[it's a soft question - though it's also devoid of judgment. like she's truly wondering if that's the core of his feeling here]
...sort of. [Is that what it is?] I'm not very interested in dying painfully, or at all, but I'm also under no impression I wouldn't be an easy target.
[Matter-of-fact. And in addition, since they ICly don't know there's a second partner-save:] Two people are still going to die tomorrow because there are too many to be paired together. I'd rather not see you die that way either.
[The core feeling is: "it sucks, I miss my friend, oh my god I'm an easy to kill target, Lili is tied to me, I should stop being a useless twink and figure out a way to stay alive, but I'm still sad and I'm not used to death." So like. Good luck.]
[she knows it’s not reassuring, and she lets herself slump down a little bit on the pillows as she contemplates what he’s saying.]
Don’t worry about me. [she’s insistent on this, because she doesn’t think she’s someone who needs to be worried about. but] ... it’s okay if you’re worried, or scared, or think you’re in over your head.
I’d be more worried if you were so stupid that you didn’t realize what kind of danger you might be in.
It’s... heavy, right? To feel like you don’t have the power you need or want in order to be able to take care of yourself.
You realize telling me not to worry about you is a little silly isn't it? [They're tied together, he's going to worry enough.] I know you're going to be fine but that doesn't change that we're together against our will.
I'll be rethinking my strategies in the days to come. [...but there's a nod.] This has never been a problem before, and now it is and I kind of hate it a lot, actually. Just another thing that's unfair about this whole thing.
[there's a pause as she tries to think of a response that isn't Life is Unfair]
... if things are unfair, that makes it all the more satisfying when we triumph over them. We don't have to give up yet - and I won't give up until I'm forced to.
[until she's dead - but he seems worried enough that she won't choose those words]
It's alright. As long as you're safe, and I'm safe, we don't have anything to worry about.
A very strategic way of looking at it. [Almost bitterly, but he doesn't argue because he agrees. They have their own agendas, but they're both of the mind that they can't really be a detriment to the other person. So that's...comforting and dangerous on its own.]
...give me a day and I'll find something new to focus on that will help us. [It's asking a lot to give him space to figure out his own emotions, but he's working on not being needy.]
It'll be before then. [Because sometimes you just shove away your trauma and use it to do something else.] But with those expectations, I'd hate to disappoint you.
[...joking. But yeah, he gets it. He won't wallow for long at least where anyone can see it. Can't believe she's actually shooshpapping him.]
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["if it's not for a collective good what's the point" - lili an]
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[...] I think Daiba-chan may have wondered the same.
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[kaoru might be posing this question to the wrong person
though lili will at least pause at that and continue to try to view his expression curiously]
... what makes you say that? I don't understand what you're saying, Kaoru.
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[Leave him alone to wallow.] As cruel as it is to say, perhaps it's best they went together.
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Junna would be pretty furious... and vice versa, I think.
[and she's still sad about it, no mistake but.
it's hard for her to be upset when there's someone far more bothered in front of her. she wonders exactly what she's supposed to do in this situation...
she'll just reach out to pat his hair - it's a little awkward but listen, she's trying]
She asked for your opinion because you were her friend... so any answer you gave was fine, I'm sure.
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...you're right. They would be furious. [To address that first.] The worst part about all of this is knowing that things are only going to get worse from here. Especially knowing that whoever killed Junna is still there somewhere.
[It's frustrating. But there's a half-smile because he gets that Lili's at a loss, and maybe he should explain why he's being weird.] I keep realizing I'm very out of my depth here. That's all.
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ao will still be curled up by him]
... are you scared?
[it's a soft question - though it's also devoid of judgment. like she's truly wondering if that's the core of his feeling here]
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[Matter-of-fact. And in addition, since they ICly don't know there's a second partner-save:] Two people are still going to die tomorrow because there are too many to be paired together. I'd rather not see you die that way either.
[The core feeling is: "it sucks, I miss my friend, oh my god I'm an easy to kill target, Lili is tied to me, I should stop being a useless twink and figure out a way to stay alive, but I'm still sad and I'm not used to death." So like. Good luck.]
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[she knows it’s not reassuring, and she lets herself slump down a little bit on the pillows as she contemplates what he’s saying.]
Don’t worry about me. [she’s insistent on this, because she doesn’t think she’s someone who needs to be worried about. but] ... it’s okay if you’re worried, or scared, or think you’re in over your head.
I’d be more worried if you were so stupid that you didn’t realize what kind of danger you might be in.
It’s... heavy, right? To feel like you don’t have the power you need or want in order to be able to take care of yourself.
[it’s not like she hasn’t been there before]
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I'll be rethinking my strategies in the days to come. [...but there's a nod.] This has never been a problem before, and now it is and I kind of hate it a lot, actually. Just another thing that's unfair about this whole thing.
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... if things are unfair, that makes it all the more satisfying when we triumph over them. We don't have to give up yet - and I won't give up until I'm forced to.
[until she's dead - but he seems worried enough that she won't choose those words]
It's alright. As long as you're safe, and I'm safe, we don't have anything to worry about.
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...give me a day and I'll find something new to focus on that will help us. [It's asking a lot to give him space to figure out his own emotions, but he's working on not being needy.]
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pat pat pat]
You can take the time that you need. I'll just expect you to be on your feet tomorrow.
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[...joking. But yeah, he gets it. He won't wallow for long at least where anyone can see it. Can't believe she's actually shooshpapping him.]