[ a simple answer to a simple response, one that says more than any explanation. he's not a person of many words, and never has been, and this is beyond 'i don't need a reason'. her very actions are a reason, themselves. this is the step away from 'lord and servant'. the step towards ally, the step towards friends. that is what a friend would do.
if lili has taken it upon herself to notice him--the unnoticeable, unknowable, unremarkable, presenceless him--then yin yu will take that humbly, and stay. yin yu is maybe not the strongest or the brightest light, but if anything, he could be a warm one that stays on in the darkness, no matter the situation. a light that could guide you home.
how lonely of a life, to cope with grief and loss by yourself; he knows from experience, how hard it can be. if all they have left is to wait, then there's no need to do so in solitude. ]
[the water tribe is full of calm people who hate violence - and among their number is none other than lili an, who is not a calm person who has no problem resorting to violence. yet right now she thinks of the way that her father would say that when the water tribe is moved into action, they cannot be stopped, like a torrent.
her feelings act in much of the same way - and already she is starting to falter. her voice suffered in tremors before, and now her hands ball into fists, shoulders trembling with something between rage and heartache.]
... why?
I don't... I don't even know what to say anymore. I—
[never know what to say, not when it counts, not when it matters. not when words alone could've been enough to keep tsurumaru inside, to keep him safe, and she failed even that.
and then quietly, so quietly]
I've run out of plans - for now.
[she has nothing but a broken heart and a lost friend to show for all her efforts]
"For now" is temporary. [ and he has no doubt that it will not last. not from the way lili's hands are fists, not from the way her shoulders are shaking. the outburst of emotion from the beginning of their conversation to now speaks of a firm determination, the kind of drive that takes people to the heavens. at first, lili had seemed quite unflappable, but as she finishes her sentence, yin yu is struck with the reminder; she is only a child.
to be so young, and to take such great responsibilities--and for this moment, such great tragedy--is by no means an easy task. to expect anyone to handle the amount of pressure and earth shattering loss that lili an must be feeling with the amount of grace that is expected of someone of royal character without faltering is the sort of farce you would see in the heavens, a place full of outwardly pleasant people who would sooner step on your back than offer you a hand to help. the raw emotion that lili is showing is real, and human.
(he's learned he prefers that infinitely. the wildness of ghost city, the wicked flame of hua cheng's fury; the rawness of it never tries to be something it isn't.)
the drive that will carry her through their 'trial' tomorrow will show the sort of character that he has so far learned of this lili an. if he needs to be a force to lean on until then, then so be it; he will be as steady as a rock under a waterfall, to catch the torrent of emotions until they can calm. ] Tomorrow, that will change, and I will help you enact anything that you need enacted.
For now, there is nothing that needs to be said. [ i'm here, it says, instead. ] To grieve--to be angry, to hurt-- is not a waste of time, if time is all that we have.
[ . . . they are strange words to her. they ring oddly in her ears. for no one has ever told her that it's alright to grieve, that it's acceptable to be in pain. to feel her rage and her distress - they were always just indicators of how wild she was. how uncontrollable she was, and why she needed to be locked away.]
... how can that be.... What good would crying do!
[and even as she argues against it, tears gather in the corners of her eyes, threatening to pool over.]
Crying isn't going to bring him back! Grief isn't going to give me ideas on how to solve all this!
[so she has to move forward. she needs to be purposeful. she needs to be composed, to earn the trust of others and truly succeed. she can't let herself fall to pieces here when it is so early, and no one listens to a girl with a face stained with tears.]
[ he's been in this situation before, in any number of situations. it reminds him of jian yu: a crystallized hopelessness that came out in anger instead of fear. yin yu had been the calm one then, trying not to be sucked into the downward negative spiral of his fury. he can be the calm one now, too. it lasted with jian yu, at least for a little while. ]
You've combed through the camp as well as I have, and you've spoken to the others, and come up with a plan for tomorrow. I'm happy to search again if you'd like me to, but, right now, there is nothing to do but wait; there is no way to know what will come.[ and he hates it too. it's obvious in his calm voice, even, a twist of displeasure towards the end of his sentence. he's not the type of person to do nothing, and never has been. it's hard to turn the emotions off when there's nothing to redirect them to, and this lesson that he hopes to share is one he needs to learn himself. ] And the more our wheels spin in the mud, the less the cart moves forward.
[ a pause. ] ....tomorrow, in front of the others, you can be as better as you want to be. To let it out now will make it less likely to come out then; face tomorrow's events with your head held high, as I'm sure you will be able to do, Lady Lili.
[ if he understands anything, it's how to bottle up your emotions, but it's with hundreds of years of unhealthy practice. ] I have faith in you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ a simple answer to a simple response, one that says more than any explanation. he's not a person of many words, and never has been, and this is beyond 'i don't need a reason'. her very actions are a reason, themselves. this is the step away from 'lord and servant'. the step towards ally, the step towards friends. that is what a friend would do.
if lili has taken it upon herself to notice him--the unnoticeable, unknowable, unremarkable, presenceless him--then yin yu will take that humbly, and stay. yin yu is maybe not the strongest or the brightest light, but if anything, he could be a warm one that stays on in the darkness, no matter the situation. a light that could guide you home.
how lonely of a life, to cope with grief and loss by yourself; he knows from experience, how hard it can be. if all they have left is to wait, then there's no need to do so in solitude. ]
no subject
her feelings act in much of the same way - and already she is starting to falter. her voice suffered in tremors before, and now her hands ball into fists, shoulders trembling with something between rage and heartache.]
... why?
I don't... I don't even know what to say anymore. I—
[never know what to say, not when it counts, not when it matters. not when words alone could've been enough to keep tsurumaru inside, to keep him safe, and she failed even that.
and then quietly, so quietly]
I've run out of plans - for now.
[she has nothing but a broken heart and a lost friend to show for all her efforts]
no subject
to be so young, and to take such great responsibilities--and for this moment, such great tragedy--is by no means an easy task. to expect anyone to handle the amount of pressure and earth shattering loss that lili an must be feeling with the amount of grace that is expected of someone of royal character without faltering is the sort of farce you would see in the heavens, a place full of outwardly pleasant people who would sooner step on your back than offer you a hand to help. the raw emotion that lili is showing is real, and human.
(he's learned he prefers that infinitely. the wildness of ghost city, the wicked flame of hua cheng's fury; the rawness of it never tries to be something it isn't.)
the drive that will carry her through their 'trial' tomorrow will show the sort of character that he has so far learned of this lili an. if he needs to be a force to lean on until then, then so be it; he will be as steady as a rock under a waterfall, to catch the torrent of emotions until they can calm. ] Tomorrow, that will change, and I will help you enact anything that you need enacted.
For now, there is nothing that needs to be said. [ i'm here, it says, instead. ] To grieve--to be angry, to hurt-- is not a waste of time, if time is all that we have.
no subject
... how can that be.... What good would crying do!
[and even as she argues against it, tears gather in the corners of her eyes, threatening to pool over.]
Crying isn't going to bring him back! Grief isn't going to give me ideas on how to solve all this!
[so she has to move forward. she needs to be purposeful. she needs to be composed, to earn the trust of others and truly succeed. she can't let herself fall to pieces here when it is so early, and no one listens to a girl with a face stained with tears.]
I can't.... I have to be better than this.
[she thought she was done with her tears.]
no subject
You've combed through the camp as well as I have, and you've spoken to the others, and come up with a plan for tomorrow. I'm happy to search again if you'd like me to, but, right now, there is nothing to do but wait; there is no way to know what will come.[ and he hates it too. it's obvious in his calm voice, even, a twist of displeasure towards the end of his sentence. he's not the type of person to do nothing, and never has been. it's hard to turn the emotions off when there's nothing to redirect them to, and this lesson that he hopes to share is one he needs to learn himself. ] And the more our wheels spin in the mud, the less the cart moves forward.
[ a pause. ] ....tomorrow, in front of the others, you can be as better as you want to be. To let it out now will make it less likely to come out then; face tomorrow's events with your head held high, as I'm sure you will be able to do, Lady Lili.
[ if he understands anything, it's how to bottle up your emotions, but it's with hundreds of years of unhealthy practice. ] I have faith in you.