[ he's out by the forest, pondering something, spear in hand. it's still cold out, fresh snow falling in a lazy drift. it mutes the noise, but he still hears lili coming. ]
I don't think you're going to like hearing it, and I don't know how it fits in with everything else yet... but I think you deserve to know, so we can figure out how to move forward knowing it.
[ He blinks, wide-eyed, staring at her for what feels like an eternity. His gaze drops to the snow in almost vacant surprise as the thoughts run behind his eyes.
And then, sharply, he shakes his head. ]
What sort of item—? Can you really take that as truth?
I think so. We were going to use it for something else but...
[god, everything happened so much.]
We're to take it as truth.
[ . . . ]
I think I already told you... we suspected her for framing Ogata, briefly. I never pursued the trail because I thought the evidence was too circumstantial...
But this is as strong confirmation as we can get. I intend on writing to the departed this week to get answers as soon as possible.
[ It takes a moment for him to absorb this information, ready to reject it again before his eyes turn troubled, downcast. There's anger there too, betrayal setting through him like a flame in a dry field, boiling up—
—but then, unexpectedly, it simmers again. Quietly, ]
She never told me. I don't know if she framed him, either.
[ It's certainly possible—none of them were terrible fond of Ogata—so maybe it's just his idealism talking. But part of him doesn't believe it. It surprises him, that there's anything left in his heart that still trusts her. ]
After trial, when Kocho and I spoke of Yu's killer... she said they deserved no reprieve. I truly believe she meant it.
[ His voice falls, low and wretched on a quiet laugh. ]
she decides that she believes him. that he didn't know. that shinobu thought that yu's killer deserved no reprieve. that shinobu probably did it to save them.]
... I think so too. I don't think that she would've done it for any careless reason - but knowing what we do, about if no one kills at all on Thursday...
[ . . . . she doesn't hold it against her.
still, she'll approach. quietly and slowly, if only to see if she can get a better glance at dimitri's expression.]
.... I'm sorry - I should've asked her sooner. So we could find out more about the burden that she was carrying, so she didn't have to hold it alone. If she even could've answered...
[ He holds up a hand to cut her off. No need for sympathies. He doesn't hide his face as she approaches: his expression is tragic, shaken, but the pure shock of it is buffered by something else entirely.
Part of him just... isn't surprised. ]
I do not know that she would've let you carry it, or that it would have stopped her.
[ He hadn't realized the depth of Shinobu's hypocrisy until now, but what's done is done. There's nothing they can do about what's already come to pass, besides regret and learn from it all. ]
...Either way, I cannot claim I don't resent her for it. [ for not telling anyone, for killing, for dying, for spelling out a second time that whatever connections she had to others—to him—she wouldn't hesitate to sever them for what she perceived was right. ]
Maybe she wouldn't have let me share the responsibility, or stop her - but I would've liked to try. [lili always wants to try.] Or... I would've wanted to at least take the time to ask her the questions so we can get the answers we still need.
[what's going to happen now? more people are going to kill, and they might be people who are closer to her, and will they be able to know anything at all?]
... but you trusted her, right?
[and lili knows how much betrayal like that can sting.]
[ He quits brooding long enough to give Lili a sympathetic look—it seems natural to him that she'd want more than what they'd gotten. Why had Shinobu done what she did? What could they have learned, if only they had caught her?
He doesn't know. He doesn't know how to answer that, either. He draws in a shaky breath, contemplative, the snow still falling in a gentle flurry around them. ]
...I think so.
[ It's complicated. ]
Perhaps— [ he pauses, uncertain. ] Perhaps part of me still does.
[ He sounds regretful—it's not fair to Yu to say as much, he knows. ]
but the thing is that lili gets it, she thinks. after having her own trust betrayed in the village, and after having that person want to earn it back... it was difficult for her to forgive. but she still wanted to trust them.
. . . it's cold and she doesn't know how much she can help, but she'll reach out to let her hand rest on his arm if he'll let her.]
.... it'd be nice, if we could turn our feelings on and off so easily, right? If you still trust her... then I hope she doesn't disappoint you.
[ . . . ]
We don't know her reasons for doing what she did - I think it's okay... to reserve judgment until we find that out.
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w3 - saturday - post trial
—Yes?
no subject
I have something to tell you.
About Shinobu.
I don't think you're going to like hearing it, and I don't know how it fits in with everything else yet... but I think you deserve to know, so we can figure out how to move forward knowing it.
no subject
...Speak, then.
[ His voice is steady, but in a way that feels like he's bracing for something. ]
no subject
She killed Yu.
We only found out today - we don't know why, or how. But when an item was used to answer one question 'who killed Yu?'
The answer was Shinobu.
[a beat]
Did you know? Please... be honest with me.
no subject
And then, sharply, he shakes his head. ]
What sort of item—? Can you really take that as truth?
no subject
I think so. We were going to use it for something else but...
[god, everything happened so much.]
We're to take it as truth.
[ . . . ]
I think I already told you... we suspected her for framing Ogata, briefly. I never pursued the trail because I thought the evidence was too circumstantial...
But this is as strong confirmation as we can get. I intend on writing to the departed this week to get answers as soon as possible.
no subject
—but then, unexpectedly, it simmers again. Quietly, ]
She never told me. I don't know if she framed him, either.
[ It's certainly possible—none of them were terrible fond of Ogata—so maybe it's just his idealism talking. But part of him doesn't believe it. It surprises him, that there's anything left in his heart that still trusts her. ]
After trial, when Kocho and I spoke of Yu's killer... she said they deserved no reprieve. I truly believe she meant it.
[ His voice falls, low and wretched on a quiet laugh. ]
I suspect she did it to save us.
no subject
she decides that she believes him. that he didn't know. that shinobu thought that yu's killer deserved no reprieve. that shinobu probably did it to save them.]
... I think so too. I don't think that she would've done it for any careless reason - but knowing what we do, about if no one kills at all on Thursday...
[ . . . . she doesn't hold it against her.
still, she'll approach. quietly and slowly, if only to see if she can get a better glance at dimitri's expression.]
.... I'm sorry - I should've asked her sooner. So we could find out more about the burden that she was carrying, so she didn't have to hold it alone. If she even could've answered...
no subject
Part of him just... isn't surprised. ]
I do not know that she would've let you carry it, or that it would have stopped her.
[ He hadn't realized the depth of Shinobu's hypocrisy until now, but what's done is done. There's nothing they can do about what's already come to pass, besides regret and learn from it all. ]
...Either way, I cannot claim I don't resent her for it. [ for not telling anyone, for killing, for dying, for spelling out a second time that whatever connections she had to others—to him—she wouldn't hesitate to sever them for what she perceived was right. ]
no subject
Maybe she wouldn't have let me share the responsibility, or stop her - but I would've liked to try. [lili always wants to try.] Or... I would've wanted to at least take the time to ask her the questions so we can get the answers we still need.
[what's going to happen now? more people are going to kill, and they might be people who are closer to her, and will they be able to know anything at all?]
... but you trusted her, right?
[and lili knows how much betrayal like that can sting.]
no subject
He doesn't know. He doesn't know how to answer that, either. He draws in a shaky breath, contemplative, the snow still falling in a gentle flurry around them. ]
...I think so.
[ It's complicated. ]
Perhaps— [ he pauses, uncertain. ] Perhaps part of me still does.
[ He sounds regretful—it's not fair to Yu to say as much, he knows. ]
no subject
but the thing is that lili gets it, she thinks. after having her own trust betrayed in the village, and after having that person want to earn it back... it was difficult for her to forgive. but she still wanted to trust them.
. . . it's cold and she doesn't know how much she can help, but she'll reach out to let her hand rest on his arm if he'll let her.]
.... it'd be nice, if we could turn our feelings on and off so easily, right? If you still trust her... then I hope she doesn't disappoint you.
[ . . . ]
We don't know her reasons for doing what she did - I think it's okay... to reserve judgment until we find that out.