except lili seems to get to her senses a little bit faster than he does, only mildly disoriented by briefly and gently reliving the memory behind her own eyes. she'll fall to her knees along with him, hands on his shoulders to steady him as if the touch isn't what got them in this mess in the first place but when does lili ever think - ]
Kaoru!
[there's immediate concern in her voice as if something might've hurt him all of a sudden?]
[Thank god at least one of them temporarily possesses a braincell because it sure as fuck won't be Kaoru. Instead, he's on his knees on the ground, a hand coming up to his throat as he's processing everything still. That was very much not okay, thanks. He's about to say such, eyes flitting over to where Lili is before he feels her hands on his shoulders.
He doesn't get to answer because whatever strange phenomenon is happening triggers itself again.
There are no sensations of struggle or pain, no exhaustion or humiliation. Instead, Lili finds herself caught inside her own head, playing a role and putting on a show for everyone as real feelings struggle to reach the surface and find themselves brushed aside. A gentle heart that longs for something but finds itself protective and belonging elsewhere. Though there's fondness, it doesn't take long for that fondness to dip slightly into guilt as something appears from the corner of her eye of the memory.
A boy's face is there, but it's Kaoru's own. No, correction, it's Kaoru in a different set of clothes, hair parted differently and turning away before he's spotted.
Abruptly, something similar to shame and loneliness filters through despite the upkeep of appearances. There's finality in what's occurred, and something similar to heartbreak.
Kaoru's hand comes up to his head, holding his forehead and covering his eyes like that'll help block whatever they just saw.]
What are you doing...? [Does he think somehow Lili's causing this? Yeah, and also he's technically not wrong but it's fine probably.]
because lili is an only child, and her loneliness has extended for so long in so many different ways. she barely had friends, and she had attendants she relied on, but they weren't her age. she doesn't know how to interact with people. she doesn't know what it means to have a sibling who means so much to you, and she has no idea what it means to be in love.
there's another look of worry on her face because even if she doesn't understand it, she knows it's painful. she feels the feelings that aren't hers and it takes her a moment to realize it must be kaoru's -
she lifts her hands from him, but they still hover over his shoulders as if she's not sure to steady him or hold on or stay so very far away]
I didn't - I'm not or I... didn't mean to...!
[the funny thing is that between being flustered and the lingering upset from kaoru's memories, there are tears at the corners of lili's eyes?
even if at the core of her being is anger, she's still just a little prone to tearing up when confronted with other startling emotions]
What was that... Why were you so sad?
[clearly his emotional pain is of more importance here]
[He's not great with upset girls. He doesn't always know how to comfort people who aren't Hikaru, really, and even then sometimes it's a misstep. Seeing Lili responding to something so personal that he himself is unhappy to be reminded of causes his own frown to deepen. He does nothing to pull back but he stays out of reach of her hands, eyes wide as he examines her face.]
That...doesn't matter nearly as much as whatever that was. What...[What question does he even want to ask?] Where were you? What was happening?
[Even when he says that there's underlying admiration and worry there. Let's talk about the actual problem and not his weird triangle jumble that's (mostly) since been solved.]
[oh - right. lili pauses at that, and frowns. she wants to be able to react to other people's pain. she doesn't want to be another useless noble in a safe place that can't help anyone. but she supposes... she ought to at least explain that it's nothing to worry about anymore.
so she retracts her hands finally and lets them ball into small fists in her lap, immediately frustrated again at the memory but.]
... it's fine. I eventually... escaped.
[technically.]
It's a long story... But it was a slave encampment for another kingdom. They used a drug to break people's minds and encourage them to keep working. Yona and I were kidnapped and taken there, forced to work for labor, and.....
[He's keeping his own hands on his knees but that sure doesn't sound fine. That actually sounds bad, and the expression on his face softens to something a little more uncertain. These are definitely words that are from fiction as far as he's concerned because he's never even seen that side of the world. Kidnappings happen, but...a drug to hurt people? Slave encampment?
It's startling. He can only assume Yona is the other girl.]
You and Yona dismantled it? [It's the safe assumption, but this doesn't make it better. It's hard to shake off the emotions from before especially when it's hard to imagine them tied to Lili herself.]
she doesn't know if she did much to help it at all. the king came to save them, and lili was saved from nearly dying. she'll just sigh quietly and move to shift her hair to fall over her shoulder.]
... it's not something you need to worry about. It's over.
We can go look again later. [He'll do that on his own regardless.]
It was one date, we both liked her, and so did Tamaki-senpai. [Getting used to calling Tamaki by his given name, it seems.] Hikaru...didn't realize the extent of his feelings for Haruhi, and he's not like me. He has a harder time connecting with others, so I thought if there was a chance that he could, he deserved that. His happiness is important to me, so...I made it so that he had no excuse not to try.
Well...I yelled at him first and ignored him for three days. [Not his finest moment.] Hikaru and I have always shared everything with each other because it was always just the two of us. But we needed to grow and be separate, and I knew that he would need the extra help more than myself. He's...stubborn. And hot-headed. And rude. But he's intelligent and kind and loyal when people get past that.
If there was a chance for his happiness, of course I would have taken it. [A thin smile.] I would rather help him grow, but even pretending that it's a mature move on my part it's also maybe a little selfish.
[even if she felt his emotions - she can't quite wrap her mind around them. it's a little hard, when she's been alone for most of her life and lacks much to fall back on]
Because. [His fingers curl into a ball, hands making fists on his knees as he thinks it through.] I want him to always need me because I know that I'm always going to need him no matter what changes. Doing what's right could have damaged our relationship, and even though it was right I avoided it for so long because I didn't want our world to change just yet.
We're still together back home. Hikaru's made sure of that. But it's just another reason I can't understand why it was me who was brought here and not him.
[ . . . there's a frown at that, even as she tries to wrap her head around it.]
.... you're brothers, aren't you? Linked by blood. Why do you think it's selfish to need each other?
It doesn't mean you aren't your own person, with your own wants. It shouldn't be selfish to be able to experience life on your own terms, but also want to maintain a good relationship with family.
For a long time, there was Hikaru and I and then there was the rest of the world. I wanted him to start to experience things with the rest of the world, but I also wanted to keep him with me. For some time, it was difficult to think of those things as two separate actions. We wanted people to treat us the same. We wanted people to treat us differently. People couldn't tell us apart forever because we didn't want them to. Tamaki-senpai started to change that.
Things are better now. We moved to America with the others for school, and we've decided where we're going next. And he eventually learned how to handle his emotions...at least when it came to Haruhi.
[With that, he seems to brush it off and shakes his head.] Things are fine now. It's just a silly memory.
[ . . . . hmmm. she watches him for a moment before nodding.]
... I'd never felt anything like it - which is probably why I'm so curious. I didn't mean to pry but....
I'm the only daughter of the Water Tribe's ruling family. My father kept a close watch on me, and would confine me if I ever grew too unruly. So things like family - even the feelings you felt for that girl...
[she doesn't really know much about it at all. her entire life has been about ruling, about being a good noble, about helping others - even if she didn't know how to interact with them.]
[Kaoru's basically interpreting this as Lili's father locking her up and keeping her in a cage which isn't much better.]
...it's not really prying, but in comparison to what I just saw from you it really does feel sort of insignificant. [So he's just embarrassed.] Did you really not have people your own age? What about that Yona girl?
Hikaru and I used to think the same way. [Sometimes they still do.] For us, it was a matter of "why should people be friends with us if they couldn't even understand us?" It was only a few years ago that Tamaki-senpai spoke to us and we joined his club.
[lili contemplates that... and she still finds herself unable to entirely relate. though she's at least glad they were able to find friends eventually...]
Yes, I think so.
She's my only friend in the world.
[though lili just sounds more fond than anything, rather than sad about it. she adores yona]
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except lili seems to get to her senses a little bit faster than he does, only mildly disoriented by briefly and gently reliving the memory behind her own eyes. she'll fall to her knees along with him, hands on his shoulders to steady him as if the touch isn't what got them in this mess in the first place but when does lili ever think - ]
Kaoru!
[there's immediate concern in her voice as if something might've hurt him all of a sudden?]
Are you okay?
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He doesn't get to answer because whatever strange phenomenon is happening triggers itself again.
This time, at least, the images are different.
There are no sensations of struggle or pain, no exhaustion or humiliation. Instead, Lili finds herself caught inside her own head, playing a role and putting on a show for everyone as real feelings struggle to reach the surface and find themselves brushed aside. A gentle heart that longs for something but finds itself protective and belonging elsewhere. Though there's fondness, it doesn't take long for that fondness to dip slightly into guilt as something appears from the corner of her eye of the memory.
A boy's face is there, but it's Kaoru's own. No, correction, it's Kaoru in a different set of clothes, hair parted differently and turning away before he's spotted.
Abruptly, something similar to shame and loneliness filters through despite the upkeep of appearances. There's finality in what's occurred, and something similar to heartbreak.
Kaoru's hand comes up to his head, holding his forehead and covering his eyes like that'll help block whatever they just saw.]
What are you doing...? [Does he think somehow Lili's causing this? Yeah, and also he's technically not wrong but it's fine probably.]
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because lili is an only child, and her loneliness has extended for so long in so many different ways. she barely had friends, and she had attendants she relied on, but they weren't her age. she doesn't know how to interact with people. she doesn't know what it means to have a sibling who means so much to you, and she has no idea what it means to be in love.
there's another look of worry on her face because even if she doesn't understand it, she knows it's painful. she feels the feelings that aren't hers and it takes her a moment to realize it must be kaoru's -
she lifts her hands from him, but they still hover over his shoulders as if she's not sure to steady him or hold on or stay so very far away]
I didn't - I'm not or I... didn't mean to...!
[the funny thing is that between being flustered and the lingering upset from kaoru's memories, there are tears at the corners of lili's eyes?
even if at the core of her being is anger, she's still just a little prone to tearing up when confronted with other startling emotions]
What was that... Why were you so sad?
[clearly his emotional pain is of more importance here]
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That...doesn't matter nearly as much as whatever that was. What...[What question does he even want to ask?] Where were you? What was happening?
[Even when he says that there's underlying admiration and worry there. Let's talk about the actual problem and not his weird triangle jumble that's (mostly) since been solved.]
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so she retracts her hands finally and lets them ball into small fists in her lap, immediately frustrated again at the memory but.]
... it's fine. I eventually... escaped.
[technically.]
It's a long story... But it was a slave encampment for another kingdom. They used a drug to break people's minds and encourage them to keep working. Yona and I were kidnapped and taken there, forced to work for labor, and.....
[there's a deeper frown before she sighs]
It's alright.
It doesn't exist anymore.
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It's startling. He can only assume Yona is the other girl.]
You and Yona dismantled it? [It's the safe assumption, but this doesn't make it better. It's hard to shake off the emotions from before especially when it's hard to imagine them tied to Lili herself.]
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she doesn't know if she did much to help it at all. the king came to save them, and lili was saved from nearly dying. she'll just sigh quietly and move to shift her hair to fall over her shoulder.]
... it's not something you need to worry about. It's over.
As you can see, I'm fine.
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But it only happened when you touched me. Is it a new power?
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[but she'll still
stare at him like she doesn't quite believe it]
... that was your brother, wasn't it? You're twins?
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[But there's no getting around that, so...a nod.] That was Hikaru, yes. [And yes, they're twins.] His hair's a different color now though.
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[it's a bad time!!
but she'll frown at that]
You went out with a girl he liked? That you also liked? But you stopped being interested in her for him?
[DRAMA?]
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It was one date, we both liked her, and so did Tamaki-senpai. [Getting used to calling Tamaki by his given name, it seems.] Hikaru...didn't realize the extent of his feelings for Haruhi, and he's not like me. He has a harder time connecting with others, so I thought if there was a chance that he could, he deserved that. His happiness is important to me, so...I made it so that he had no excuse not to try.
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You spurred him into action that way?
[she's weirdly invested
lili actually likes talking about this romance sort of stuff unfortunately]
But you still put aside your own happiness for your brother...
Are you selfless? Or self-sacrificing?
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If there was a chance for his happiness, of course I would have taken it. [A thin smile.] I would rather help him grow, but even pretending that it's a mature move on my part it's also maybe a little selfish.
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I don't understand... how is that selfish?
[even if she felt his emotions - she can't quite wrap her mind around them. it's a little hard, when she's been alone for most of her life and lacks much to fall back on]
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We're still together back home. Hikaru's made sure of that. But it's just another reason I can't understand why it was me who was brought here and not him.
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.... you're brothers, aren't you? Linked by blood. Why do you think it's selfish to need each other?
It doesn't mean you aren't your own person, with your own wants. It shouldn't be selfish to be able to experience life on your own terms, but also want to maintain a good relationship with family.
Right?
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For a long time, there was Hikaru and I and then there was the rest of the world. I wanted him to start to experience things with the rest of the world, but I also wanted to keep him with me. For some time, it was difficult to think of those things as two separate actions. We wanted people to treat us the same. We wanted people to treat us differently. People couldn't tell us apart forever because we didn't want them to. Tamaki-senpai started to change that.
Things are better now. We moved to America with the others for school, and we've decided where we're going next. And he eventually learned how to handle his emotions...at least when it came to Haruhi.
[With that, he seems to brush it off and shakes his head.] Things are fine now. It's just a silly memory.
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... I'd never felt anything like it - which is probably why I'm so curious. I didn't mean to pry but....
I'm the only daughter of the Water Tribe's ruling family. My father kept a close watch on me, and would confine me if I ever grew too unruly. So things like family - even the feelings you felt for that girl...
[she doesn't really know much about it at all. her entire life has been about ruling, about being a good noble, about helping others - even if she didn't know how to interact with them.]
... I'm glad that things are alright now.
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...it's not really prying, but in comparison to what I just saw from you it really does feel sort of insignificant. [So he's just embarrassed.] Did you really not have people your own age? What about that Yona girl?
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there's a pause.]
I met her in the past year...
[she pauses a little bit and then shakes her head]
It's alright. I don't need friends.
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Hikaru and I used to think the same way. [Sometimes they still do.] For us, it was a matter of "why should people be friends with us if they couldn't even understand us?" It was only a few years ago that Tamaki-senpai spoke to us and we joined his club.
[...] Would she consider you friends?
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Yes, I think so.
She's my only friend in the world.
[though lili just sounds more fond than anything, rather than sad about it. she adores yona]
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... I don't need any more friends, then. I've always been fine on my own.
[no she hasn't]
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